ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
