Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
