She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize