Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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