I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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