You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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