McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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