Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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