just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
