The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
