hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
