I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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