I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
