So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Come see our sink grown plant.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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