I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
