I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
