i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
