playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
