A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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