Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
