I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
