Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
