i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
