Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
