I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
