I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
