So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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