Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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