why didn't you poke me back
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We were destined to go to rehab together
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
