I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
