i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
