So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
