We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
