PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
