He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
