Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
