i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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