I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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