So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
