The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize