Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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