have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize