Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
