in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize