Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
