Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
