The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
