Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people

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(314): View more from Missouri

Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad

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(201): View more from New Jersey

It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.

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(517): View more from Michigan

These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"

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(530): View more from California

TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.

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(585): View more from New York

Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment

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(253): View more from Washington

Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.

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