Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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