No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
