That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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