This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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