I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
