I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize