she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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