I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
