I wish I only lived at night.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
