If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I love you. Go after that dick
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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