He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
