her facebook's as public as her vagina
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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