When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
