ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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