im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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