i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
