wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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