theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
