ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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