I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
