I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
