What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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