my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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