just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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