I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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