i think my tv is drunk
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
