So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
