i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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