can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
