Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize