I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
