got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
