so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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