My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
