I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Your cock deserves a montage
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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