Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
