So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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