You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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