I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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