Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
