question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When are your genitals available?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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