I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
