Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
