Sponge bath it is.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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