don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
