just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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