I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
