Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't deserve a penis
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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