Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
