Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
