1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
