a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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