Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
