oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
