I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
