so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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