How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
