Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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