so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
