In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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