Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
