I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
