The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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