respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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