I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
