Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
