she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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