Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
