i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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