Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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